Love, Love, and More Love

"As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you; abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. I have said these things to you so that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be complete. “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master is doing; but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father. You did not choose me but I chose you. And I appointed you to go and bear fruit, fruit that will last, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask him in my name. I am giving you these commands so that you may love one another. ~ John 15:9-17


Love. Is there any word that is more casually tossed around in the English language? Think of all the ways you can say you love someone or something. I love my spouse, I love my children. I love that movie! I love Jesus. I love chocolate chip cookies, the double chocolate chip ones from Subway when they are warm. I love my friends. I love my church family. I love the people I work with. I love you. How many kinds of love do you suppose I’ve just named?

C. S. Lewis, one of the great popular Christian thinkers and writers of the 20th century, described love exhaustively in his book, The Four Loves.

The first love Lewis describes is affection. Affection is the kind of love parents have for their children, and children for parents. It is a kind of love that arises naturally. Our love for God is need-love. We need God’s love the way we need air in our lungs and blood in our veins and food in our stomachs. I

Next Lewis describes friendship. Friendship is freely chosen, because we are not compelled into it by our own emotional or physical needs.

Of course, the word love is associated most frequently, in our culture, with romantic love, or what Lewis calls Eros. As he puts it, it is the kind of love lovers are “in.” Which gives us some sense of what Eros is like: it possesses us, it claims us, it feels bigger than we are. Lewis doesn’t want us to simply reduce Eros to sexuality, either. Sexuality is a part of Eros, but not the totality. Rather, Eros is a kind of complete delight in someone. That is the kind of love lovers are in.

Finally, we come to Lewis’ fourth love: he calls it “charity.” I think we tend to associate “charity” with “charitable giving” (or receiving). It has even taken on a slightly negative connotation… no one wants to be on the receiving end of charity. But that’s not what he’s talking about.

The love Lewis describes is what the biblical writers call Agape. This is the love Jesus is taking about in today’s passage when he says, “As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you. Abide in my love.” And, “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.” What kind of love is this? This is the same kind of love we talk about when we say, “God is love.” The love Jesus is talking about is the kind that gives of itself completely and utterly. It’s the kind of love that gives up all the power in the universe to become a puny, relatively power-less human being. For those fans of “Grey’s Anatomy” who happened to catch this week’s season finale, it’s the kind of love that lays down its life so that someone else can live.

When Jesus is telling us to love one another, he isn’t talking about having affection for one another—though we may have that. He isn’t talking about being in love with one another—though we may, joyfully, find ourselves in that condition. He isn’t even talking about having true and deep friendships with one another—though we may be lucky enough to have those. He is talking about a love that transcends all the other loves, because it is ready to give of itself totally, wildly and extravagantly, without hope or expectation of receiving anything at all in return. It is ready to give even at the risk of its own life, its own welfare. That is agape-love. That is God-love. And that is what we are called to, as followers of Jesus. “Love one another, as I have loved you.”

The love of God does not guarantee there will be no difficult times, but it does promise to abide through those times. The love of God does not eliminate the need for painful or hard conversations, but it does promise to abide in the midst of those conversations. The love of God does not take away our racing hearts when we finally have to speak the Truth, but it does promise to abide, giving us whatever it is we need to let those words be spoken. The love of God abides, and abides, and abides.

Breaking DOWN walls FOREVER!!

As I continue to study 1 Corinthians 13 in order to learn what it really means to love, I imagine all the walls in my life that I will tear down with the knowledge on the horizon. Many of the principles of love, I know already, and others the LORD is presenting me with opportunities to learn.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud” (I Corinthians 13:4).

First, love is patient. The King James Version says love “suffereth long.” It is “never tired of waiting.” The Greek word literally means “long-minded.” Love is slow to give in to resentment, despair, or anger. The particular word Paul uses means to have patience with difficult people rather than having patience in difficult circumstances. It describes the person who has been wronged, who has it within his power to get even, but chooses not to use that power. How many times have you been in this position? You could have gotten even, but something says that's not right.

Second, love is kind. The word mean something like “sweet usefulness.” Love is quick to help others and eager to reach out to those in need. Kindness is an area where most of us don't struggle much. The part of kindness that gets most of us is the quickness..the sense of urgency that is necessary to show others that we care.

Third, love does not envy. This is the sin of those who think others have too much and they have too little. By contrast, love is generous. It does not begrudge others their gifts. How do you respond to the good fortune of others? If they do better than you, if they prosper when you don’t, if their family seems happy while yours is torn apart, how will you react? If they achieve what you cannot, if they gain what you lack, if they win where you lose, then the truth will come out. Can you lose gracefully? Can you walk away from the contest without bitterness?

Fourth, love does not boast. It does not brag, is not pompous or conceited. It has no exalted opinion of itself. It is not eager to gain the applause of others. The Greek word translated “boast” means something like “windbag.” It has within it the idea of the person who must continually talk about himself in order to impress others. Sometimes we would be better off saying nothing at all.

Fifth, love is not proud. The King James Version says love is “not puffed up.” That means love does not have an inflated opinion of itself. It is not filled with hot air. As I think about the truly great people I have known, they have all (on one level at least) seemed rather ordinary. They dressed and acted like real people. When someone has to dress or act or talk like they are somebody special, it’s because they’re trying to convince themselves. With those who are truly great, what you see is what you get, which is how it ought to be with all of us.

“It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs” (I Corinthians 13:5).

Sixth, love is not rude. The King James Version says that love “does not behave itself unseemly.” This covers a lot of territory. On one level, it means that love is not ill-mannered. It does nothing of which it will be ashamed later. Love is true courtesy. It is polite, considerate, and careful for the needs and feelings of others. Love is quick to make others feel at ease. Love has good manners!

Sarcasm is the main evidence of a lack in this area. How many times do we make some comment and then try to cover ourselves by saying, “I’m just kidding.” We make too many jokes at the expense of others and then try to laugh it off as cheap humor. The truth is, you weren’t kidding or you wouldn’t have said it in the first place.

Seventh, love is not self-seeking. It takes no thought for itself, does not demand its own way, and is not stubborn about things that don’t matter. Love never says, “My way or the highway.” Love says, “Let’s do it Jesus’ way.” Love serves and doesn’t worry about who gets the credit.

Eighth, love is not easily angered. This is the quality I always stop and think about when I read this chapter. This is the quality that seems to come too close for comfort. Love is not easily provoked, is not quick tempered, does not blow its top, is not easily angered, and is not irritable. By contrast, love is good-natured, easy-going, and quick to forgive.

I think most of us tend to look on this as a minor problem, as if being quick-tempered is merely a matter of temperament, personality or family background. We excuse it by saying “That’s just the way I am.” Well, that may be the way you are but it’s not the way you’re supposed to be.

Ninth, love keeps no record of wrongs suffered. The King James Version says that love “thinketh no evil.” It does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not impute evil, does not brood over injuries suffered. It is not suspicious of others, not cynical about good deeds done by others, and is not quick to remember a personal offense done by others. But true love has a bad memory of wrongs done to it. Love is quick to hit the Delete key. Love is always ready to say, “I’m putting that in the past and I’m not going to bring it up again.”

“Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth” (I Corinthians 13:6).
Tenth, love does not delight in evil. It takes no pleasure in wrongdoing, is not glad about injustice, and is not happy when evil triumphs. And it takes no joy in hearing evil openly discussed.

Love is never glad to hear bad news about another person.

Love never says, “Well, they finally got what they deserved.”

Love is never happy to hear that a brother or sister fell into sin.

Love does not enjoy passing along bad news.

This certainly goes against the grain of modern life. We all know that “Bad news sells” and that good news goes on page 75. That’s why they put those supermarket tabloids right by the checkout counter. We all want to hear the latest juicy gossip about our favorite celebrities.

True love isn’t like that. It turns away from cheap gossip and unsubstantiated rumors. And even when the rumor turns out to be true, love takes no pleasure in the misfortunes of others.

Eleventh, love rejoices with the truth.

This is the flip side of the previous phrase. Love takes joy in what is true and good and right and holy and pure. Love cheers whenever the truth wins out. It is glad to know that suspicions were unfounded. Love believes the best and is glad when the verdict is “Not guilty.”

Sooner or later we have to get down to the bottom of things and admit the truth. “O God, I hate my husband. I hate my wife. I can’t stand my children. My parents are driving me nuts. I hate the people I work with and I don’t like the folks at church. I don’t love my neighbors and I can barely stand to see my own family. O God, help me. I don’t love anyone right now. And even though no one else knows it or sees it, I’m an angry person, filled with bad thoughts and completely lacking in any kind of love. If you don’t help me, I will never love anyone because I know I can’t change the way I am. Lord God, please help me. Change me. Let your love flow through me. If you want me to love others, you’re going to have to do it through me because I can’t do it myself.” That’s the kind of prayer God loves to answer.

I also think it helps to replace “love” with “Jesus” in this passage: “Jesus is patient, Jesus is kind, Jesus does not envy, Jesus thinks no evil, Jesus is not quick-tempered, Jesus does not rejoice in what is evil.” If we want to love, we need more of Jesus in our lives. Run to the Cross. Stand there and behold the One who died for you. Look to Jesus. Stand next to him. Let his love fill your heart. If you will come close to Jesus, his love will begin to fill your heart and you will find yourself filled with supernatural love for others. Your life will begin to change as Jesus becomes preeminent in your heart.

My prayer today is: Thank you Father for demonstrating how we should love! I now really know what it means, and I desire to walk this thing out for the rest of my life. You are so AWESOME, and I don't even deserve to be pursued by You! I only want to live out the name that you gave me Tiffaney=MANIFESTATION of GOD Kashandra=SHINING on MANKIND. Thank you for LOVE even in it's most basic form. Stretch me! AMEN!!

Now as we come to the end, I’d like to give you some homework. Take some time this week to consider the eleven qualities of love in this passage. Think about them one by one. How do you measure up? Where are you strong and where are you weak? Which three qualities stand out as the greatest need in your life right now? Circle those three and begin to pray about them. Write down one practical step you can take in each of those areas this week. And ask God to help you grow strong in love.

Endures All Things-Godly Perseverance

I Corinthians 13:7 KJV

Love “endures all things.” The word “endures” is a military term that means to hold a position at all costs, even unto death, whatever it takes. The battle may be lost but the soldier keeps on fighting to the very end. The word pictures an army surrounded by superior forces, being attacked and slowly overwhelmed on every side. One by one your comrades fall at your side. Through the din of battle comes one final command: “Stand your ground, men. And if necessary, die well.” So love holds fast to people it loves. It perseveres. It never gives up on anyone. Love won’t stop loving, even in the face of rejection.

[**Deep sigh** I really needed that. I know exactly what it means to endure through all things with those that I love. It has often been the case when those that I love leave or give up on me. I learned from my grandmother that love endures ALL things. I never saw her give up on those that she loved *especially* when they turned their backs on her. So even in the face of rejection, I love. I can’t even tell you that this comes easy for me, but it’s the cross that I bear, and it is nothing compared to the sufferings of Christ.]

With this phrase verse 7 comes to a logical climax. First, love covers the sins of the one it loves. Second, love believes the best as long as that is possible. Third, love hopes when it cannot believe. Fourth, love endures when even hope is gone.
Love does not commit suicide. It doesn’t give up and walk away. Years ago I knew a woman whose husband left her for another woman. At one point the couple entered marriage counseling, and for a brief moment there seemed to be hope. Then he walked out of counseling and went back to the other woman. The situation dragged on for months without resolution. Divorce proceedings began and continued with much wrangling over anything related to child custody.

One day I saw the woman and she told me an unusual story. “I asked him for my wedding ring,” she said. “Why would you do a thing like that?” I wondered. “When he moved out, I gave him my wedding ring as a sign that he had broken his wedding vows. But recently I began to think about what that ring symbolized. I realized that even though he has been unfaithful, we are still married. When I asked for the ring back, he was surprised. He was even more surprised when I put it back on my finger. By wearing the ring, I want to remind him of what he has done. I also want him to remember that he still has a wife.”

Love endures what can’t be endured. Love means wearing the wedding ring as a final reminder of what has been lost. That little story also reveals a crucial point. Love is not passive in the face of unjust treatment. Love takes action to shake up an intolerable situation. Love looks beyond the present to the hope of what might be in the future.

[This anecdote is exactly what I needed to hear. In a time like this when of my loved ones has given up on me, I still have the strong urge to make things work even if it means that I don’ t ever get what it is that I need or want from the situation. The world says, “Oh well!”God says, “Love endures ALL things.” I really desire to be the real deal, completely living by the word of TRUTH. So, I won’t EVER give up!]

Risky Love

To love like this doesn’t mean that everything will always work out the way you like. That only happens in cheap dime store novels. In real life, love is often crushed, bruised and rejected. Loving others is risky business. What if they abuse the love you freely give? For the Christian, there is only one possible answer: It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. The real losers in life are not those whose love is rejected. They (and they alone) know the deep pain of loving in a fallen world. They understand something of God’s heart because the Father sent his Son to the world knowing that the world would reject him. The real losers are those who refuse to love at all.

[I’m down for risks, but this sounds crazy, right? The world says, give me everything I want and if not, I am out!! Look at God’s response, sending His son (real LOVE) into the world knowing He’d be rejected. I choose to follow this example at all costs!]

In his book The Four Loves, C. S. Lewis spoke to this very point:
To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless-it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable … The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers … of love is Hell (p. 169).

Love stands its ground in the face of curses, slander, hatred, ill treatment, and the worst that man can dish out. I have never forgotten the words of Corrie Ten Boom in The Hiding Place. When asked how she could endure a Nazi concentration camp without bitterness, she replied, “There is no pit so deep that the love of God is not deeper still.”

That one phrase is the key to this principle. First Corinthians 13 is about the love of God, not the love of man. Romans 5:5 says that the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit. It is the work of the Holy Spirit to pour out God’s love into your heart. When the Holy Spirit has done His work, you are able to pour out the love of God that the Holy Spirit has poured into your heart. What God gives us, we are able to give to others.

[What has God given you? I know what He has given me, and I choose to ENDURE.]

{It is not simply difficult to live this way, it is impossible. But what God demands of us, the Holy Spirit supplies within us. Our deepest needs are not intellectual or emotional; our deepest needs are spiritual. It is an old story, repeated over and over again. Many of us struggle in our circumstances because we are fighting against the Lord and his plan for our lives. The answer is as plain as the nose on your face. Let each of us yield ourselves completely to the Holy Spirit. Let each one of us ask God for the love which only he can supply. And as we face hard times and difficult moments, let us pray daily, “O God, let your will be done even if it means that my will is not done.” As we relinquish the control of our lives to the Lord Jesus Christ, we will find that the Holy Spirit’s power has been released in us and the love of God will become a personal reality that works in us and through us to touch those around us.}

In closing, I offer you no miracle cure for the problems of life. If it is true that into each life some rain must fall, then some of you are getting a thunderstorm right now. I don’t know when the rain will end. But it doesn’t have to destroy your life. When the love of God is your foundation, the rains can come, the winds can blow, the river can rise to the threshold, but your house will stand firm because it is built on the rock which cannot be shaken.

Tiffaney

(words in [] are the opinions of Tiffaney K. Draper. Sermon from www.keepbelieving.com)

Love Hopes All Things-Godly Optimism

I Corinthians 13: 7 KJV

The third phrase in verse 7 tells us that love “hopes all things.” This is simply a step beyond believing. The meaning is something like this. There are times in life when you face situations so difficult that faith is not possible. You would gladly give the benefit of the doubt but there is none to give. You search for the silver lining but the angry clouds overhead have no silver lining.

Some of you may be facing a situation like that right now. In your life there is a difficult circumstance for which there are no easy answers. It may be your marriage. It may be one of your children. It may be your family. It may be an illness. It may be impending financial disaster. It may be your job. Whatever it is, only one word applies: IMPOSSIBLE. You have cried and wept and prayed and done everything you know how to do and nothing seems to help.

[In my own life, I have experienced this within the past 6 months. I believed that this was one of most stretching times in my life. Ever feel like you knew God was there, but it felt like He was so far away? Once I explained to a former student that when it felt like God was far away, He was just helping someone who needed Him a little more. “He would never leave His own,” I explained. That rationale worked for an adolescent. So when I go through, I recall those words to my mind so that I have a little hope. With God all things are possible—I repeat to myself over and over again. It works in the closest of relationships!]

What does love do in an impossible situation? What do you do when you can’t believe anymore? You hope. That’s a step beyond belief. Belief is finding a tiny grain of evidence to rest on. Hope rests on God alone.

When Jesus washed the disciples’ feet, where was Judas? According to John 13, he was right there in the room. Did Jesus know what Judas was about to do? Absolutely. He even told him to go out and do it. Did Jesus wash Judas’ feet? Yes. And he was not play-acting either. How could he do it? He did it because he loved Judas even though he knew Judas would soon betray him. That’s how love works. No matter how impossible the situation, no matter if it looks like there is no possibility of change, love always hopes. It looks to the future, not to the past.

[Notice: Love ALWAYS hopes! Not sometimes…ALL of the time!]

Let’s apply this principle to our closest relationships. We are often told that we must accept people just the way they are. That is true in one sense and untrue in another sense. Sometimes we are tempted to throw up our hands and say, “This is the way you are and no matter what I do, you are never going to change.” That’s not acceptance. That’s fatalism. It’s only true if there is no God. Biblical acceptance is based on hope in God. It says, “I accept that this is the way you are right now. But I don’t believe you are going to stay this way. I’m not giving up hope.” When hope is gone, life is gone. To hope is to believe in God in spite of what you see around you.

[I am so guilty of thinking that a loved one will never change. Read again: THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE--Not if we are going to get to the AGAPE kind of Love that the Bible teaches to have for one another. It wasn’t until I met *TC* that I learned this lesson. I pray for TC all the time, “This is the way you are right now and I love you like this, but I believe that God will do a GREATER work in you than you can even see.” I really do believe this for TC. When it comes down to it, there is nothing in me that is willing to deal with anything in anyone that is uncomfortable! It is God alone that makes it possible for me to be even say, “I Love you,” and mean it! I am at a place where I can take God at His word and HOPE that He sees enough in me to keep giving me such amazing loved ones. I believe that the last statement “when hope is gone, life is gone” is very true. When we lose hope in the ones we love, the life of that relationship is gone, but again…With God all things are possible. (Matt 19:26) TC, I love you and can't wait until He brings you back.]

**Our President Barack H. Obama is known for saying, “While we breathe, we hope.” I want to be that hopeful. With every breath in my body, I want to be optimistic, never giving up hope in those I Love and more importantly in GOD! Continue to pray for me...**

Tiffaney

(words in [] are the opinions of Tiffaney K. Draper. Sermon from www.keepbelieving.com)

Love-- Believes All Things-Godly Trust

I Corinthians 13

To “believe all things” means that love believes the best that is possible as long as that can be done. Love gives the benefit of the doubt. It takes people at their highest and best-not at their lowest and worst.

[How many times do we struggle with giving up when people are at their lowest? In my life, I have come to realize that when people are at their lowest, I hurt for them and want them to do better. This desire in me is from GOD alone. It is Him working through me. Tiffaney is not strong enough to deal with a lot of the issues that come up with those that I love. It seems as if they are always in WINTER seasons, BUT GOD...I can stop right there...BUT GOD in whom I Live, move, and have my being provides me with the courage and strength to be there ESPECIALLY when times are rough. Can you trust Him to help you LOVE people enough to give them the benefit of the doubt?]

We live in an increasingly cynical age. If a person gives a large sum of money to a worthy charity, there is sure to be someone who mutters under his breath, “What’s the catch? What’s in it for him?” I’m not suggesting that love equals naive gullibility. Love must always be guarded by wisdom on one hand and discernment on the other. True love won’t be taken in again and again by a con artist. At some point love says, “Enough is enough.” But it is also useful to remember that even in a court of law, the accused person is always “innocent until proven guilty.” Love says, “I am willing to wait for the evidence to come in before making my decision. I choose to give you the benefit of the doubt as long as there is reason to do so.” Some of us treat our loved ones in nearly the opposite way: “You are guilty until you prove you are innocent."

[There was a time when I struggled consistently with loving those around me with wisdom and discernment. My life has been a testament to what happens when you become a crutch. I had to learn to love from a distance and love someone enough discern when I am being a crutch and when enough is MORE than enough. Love says, I (Tiffaney) need to back up and enough to let you see that God is more than able to handle your situation. On another note, how much can be said about loving someone enough to say, I want to make sure before I make a decision? I choose to give those that I love the benefit of the doubt. I am willing to believe that this will help us in our relationships.]

People tend to become what we believe them to be. They either live up to or down to your expectations. If you treat a man as trustworthy, he will strive to prove himself worthy of your trust. If you tell a child, “Take a big swing. You can hit that ball,” he’ll go to the plate and swing like Babe Ruth. If you treat your wife as if she is the most beautiful woman in the world, she will be transformed before your very eyes.

That’s what Jesus did. To vacillating Simon, he said, “You are a rock.” To a prostitute, he said, “Your sins are forgiven.” To a woman caught in adultery, he said, “Neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more.” It is the simple power of believing the best and not the worst about people.

Love believes the best as long as it can be believed. What a difference it makes when we believe in those around us. What a difference it makes when husbands and wives, and parents and children, and teachers and students, and friends and co-workers, and church members truly believe in each other. What a difference it makes in the dark moments of life when you can say to those you love, “I believe in you and no matter what happens, we’re going to make it through this thing together.

[There isn't much I can say here except, "WOW! God!" The Message Bible underscores that Love "Isn't always "me first," Doesn't fly off the handle, Doesn't keep score of the sins of others.." To me this says I need to give people the benefit of the doubt BEFORE I judge and open my mouth. I need to leave previous transgressions in the past where they belong. What would I do if God held everything I ever did against me? And what I really need to do is give up the selfishness. It's not about me! This is a strange deviation from society's view of how things work. Society's "it's all about me" attitude is a stark contrast to the biblical view of "it's not about me." Humility and selflessness underscore the bible's AGAPE love. This is the kind of love I desire. I don't have a problem telling those I love that I am on their team, that I will be there for it all, and that I have their back no matter what (MJ). I want to honestly say to those I love that I believe in them no matter what happens and we'll make it through together!]

Tiffaney

(words in [] are the opinions of Tiffaney K. Draper. Sermon from www.keepbelieving.com)

Love Bears ALL things

Bears All Things-Godly Silence (from Keep Believing Ministries)

1 Corinthians 13: 7 KJV love “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”


The first phrase says that love “bears all things.” This comes from a Greek word meaning to cover something. It is related to the word for roof-a covering that offers protection from the hostile elements. I Peter 4:8 says that love covers a multitude of sins. That is precisely the meaning here. Love protects other people. It doesn’t broadcast bad news. It goes the second mile to protect another person’s reputation.

[Now, I can just stop right here in this message! Love protects other people..How many times over the last 6 months have I gone out of my way to protect those that I love even when I know they are not really acting right? I have been guilty of talking to the WRONG person a couple times when it came down to a particular situation. The result of that conversation was a dent on someone's reputation. I have prayed for and received forgiveness, and FINALLY learned that even conversations that occur in times of hurt are unacceptable if the words out of my mouth are not coming from a place of love. Insert a long SIGH!!...At times such as these, I should be SILENT....and listen and wait for God's peace...Normally, I am very good at protecting those I proclaim to love. Let me say that 95% of the time I will go WAY out of the way to protect them. It's those hurtful times that I need more of God to help me with!]

There are two very relevant applications: First, love doesn’t nitpick. It doesn’t point out every flaw of the ones you love. Once in a small group, we were discussing this very point and one of the wives present said a very wise thing: “You can’t talk everything out. Some things you just decide not to worry about.” She’s right. If you took time to point out every mistake your husband or wife made, you wouldn’t have time for anything else. That applies to every human relationship, not just to marriage.

[Again, I am willing to admit that I can be guilty of this. Especially when it comes to a particular someone. I do it under the umbrella of "I am tougher on you because I care so much." I know this is NOT ok on the inside of me because it is unsettling. After the fact, I lack peace about it. On the rare chance that I am nitpicking, I usually wait for a while to make sure I have talked to God, but if I truly LOVE someone, I need to make sure to get the log out of my own eye before I am so quick to get the speck out of their eye (Matthew 7:5). ***Insert gut-check emoticon** I need to take a cue from the message above and decide not to talk everything out..literally!!]

Second, love doesn’t criticize in public. This is perhaps Paul’s primary meaning. Love doesn’t do its dirty laundry for all the world to see. That’s why I cringe whenever I hear a husband humiliating his wife in public or a wife making snide remarks about her husband. I always think, if they do that in public, what do they do in private? As a friend of mine once told me, “There are many times in my life when I’ve been sorry I opened my mouth. But there has never been a time I’ve been sorry I kept silent.” When it comes to needless criticism of other people, that’s excellent advice.

[For me, this is probably one of those areas that I do well with. Almost too well. Not only do I not expose my business publicly, but I sometimes let it eat away at me until it spills out in an angry way. This is NOT of God! How can I love someone and I am not honest about a hurt that they have "unknowingly" inflicted on me? Well, I know that tingles for me, and I want it out of me. As I go through this learning about love period, I have been praying to find a balance of when to speak and when to ask the Lord to bridle my tongue (Psalm 39:1). I want to be able to bear ALL things and not just the things that are comfortable for me. Continue to pray for me.]

Tiffaney

(words in [] are the opinions of Tiffaney K. Draper. Sermon from www.keepbelieving.com)

Learning what LOVE means

Passion is a huge thing! Most of us think of passion as a sexual thing, but that's not what I mean. I have a tendency to give a thing all I have. Whether that thing be a job, a goal, or a relationship. I mean I love very hard. I value each and every task or relationship that I have to the point that that particular thing consumes my conversation. The problem is sometimes, I may not act like it. When is it appropriate to Not act like I love someone? Why is it that I need to have those that I love be how and who I want them to be? When am I going to accept them just as they are? No strings attached? What about unconditional love? When Jesus gave this love commandment, He didn't give us any prerequisites! John 13:34-35 "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."

My problem has been that I want to BE who I tell people I am (a die hard follower of God) which usually is the same person that people think that I am. As I have been participating in my first-of-the-year fast, God has been opening my eyes to several things. The first of those things is that I need to get back to root of who He created me to be...that passionate person who just loves everyone without any rules!! I think hurts have tainted me a bit. Since, you did this to me, I can't love you fully anymore. Since you won't listen to me, I am not loving you as much as I used to. Who do I really think I am?

I am the woman who He says I am, nothing can separate me from his love. See Christian love is not the same as that stuff we see on tv or in fairy tales. Christian love is giving to others those things that you would want them to give you if you were in their situation -- and it's doing so even if they can't pay you back. In fact, it's doing so especially if they can't pay you back! Christian love is respect for others. It's mercy. It's charity. Those things that Jesus freely gave us! As I go through this fast, I have been re-connecting with those who I love and haven't acted like it. I am forcing those ugly things out so that I can get back to that merciful and giving person that I know He made me to be. That young lady that others see and have stood by even through the toughest of times.

In my studies, I have refreshed myself on the 3 kinds of love: eros, philia, and agape.

Eros is what we mostly think of when we say we are "in love." This type of love covers everything from queasy stomachs and warm fuzzy feelings to strong sensual passion. In order to exist eros is dependent upon the situation and circumstances. Eros is also held captive to each person's perception. For example, if someone perceives a particular quiet evening dinner with candles to be romantic, eros will thrive. However, passion becomes squashed for someone whenever he or she interprets the current situation to be undesirable. Eros thus grows strong and then wastes away based upon our perceptions.

Although eros at times might make us feel like we are on cloud nine, it can not provide a reliable basis for building a deep and meaningful relationship since it is so fickle and dependent upon perception and circumstances. Although eros is exhilarating, this is not the Biblical word used for love.

Philia is the love of friendship, best friends, and the fellowship of being with those people you enjoy. Although philia is wonderful, it too is not reliable since it is also held captive by the sifting sands of situation as well as by ours and other's perceptions and expectations. Unfortunately, we probably all know of a friendship which waned or was severed because of time, distance, harsh words, how someone interpreted another's actions, etc. Again, not biblical love.

God's love is Agape love. Since it is not a knee jerk reaction nor just a responsive feeling to how I've been treated, agape is capable of acting in a hostile environment where there are no warm fuzzy feelings...to love when there isn't an ounce of love in return. If it were not enough that the proactive (not REACTIVE) nature of agape has the power to rise above its environment, it can also empower passion and friendship! For example, when a spouse chooses to speak and act toward the mate with agape, this creates the loving environment in which eros and philia can thrive! Although the proactive spouse might even perceive the other spouse as being unkind or rude, additional problems can be prevented by responding out of agape while the power of agape works at nurturing the growth of the other forms of love!

Jesus taught his disciples that the world would know that they his people if they would show agape toward one another. (refer back to John 13:35)

Examples of Agape Love: John 3:16, John 14:15,23, 1 John 3:17, and Ephesians 5:25-29

For the best refresher on learning what LOVE is, I searched 1 Corinthians 13:4-13 in the MSG bible.

"If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up. (Can we say that we never gave on on someone/thing?)
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. (Are you ok if God never "changed" that person?)
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle, (attitude, attitude?)
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel, (ever told someone that they'd pay for what they did?)
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything, (ANYTHING...not some things...not a lil bit..ANYTHING)
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best, (tell someone the best things about themselves sometimes)
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end. (Keeps going!! Don't stop!)

Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.

When I was an infant at my mother's breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good.

We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love."

That list of what love does, doesn't do, is, isn't is a pretty hard pill to swallow, but it's SOOO appropriate and TRUE. I am taking it line by line and refreshing myself daily... feeding my spirit the things that are really nourishing as I deprive my body of certain foods. So, as I journey to get it right, and make things better, I pray that you will too.