Learning what LOVE means

Passion is a huge thing! Most of us think of passion as a sexual thing, but that's not what I mean. I have a tendency to give a thing all I have. Whether that thing be a job, a goal, or a relationship. I mean I love very hard. I value each and every task or relationship that I have to the point that that particular thing consumes my conversation. The problem is sometimes, I may not act like it. When is it appropriate to Not act like I love someone? Why is it that I need to have those that I love be how and who I want them to be? When am I going to accept them just as they are? No strings attached? What about unconditional love? When Jesus gave this love commandment, He didn't give us any prerequisites! John 13:34-35 "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."

My problem has been that I want to BE who I tell people I am (a die hard follower of God) which usually is the same person that people think that I am. As I have been participating in my first-of-the-year fast, God has been opening my eyes to several things. The first of those things is that I need to get back to root of who He created me to be...that passionate person who just loves everyone without any rules!! I think hurts have tainted me a bit. Since, you did this to me, I can't love you fully anymore. Since you won't listen to me, I am not loving you as much as I used to. Who do I really think I am?

I am the woman who He says I am, nothing can separate me from his love. See Christian love is not the same as that stuff we see on tv or in fairy tales. Christian love is giving to others those things that you would want them to give you if you were in their situation -- and it's doing so even if they can't pay you back. In fact, it's doing so especially if they can't pay you back! Christian love is respect for others. It's mercy. It's charity. Those things that Jesus freely gave us! As I go through this fast, I have been re-connecting with those who I love and haven't acted like it. I am forcing those ugly things out so that I can get back to that merciful and giving person that I know He made me to be. That young lady that others see and have stood by even through the toughest of times.

In my studies, I have refreshed myself on the 3 kinds of love: eros, philia, and agape.

Eros is what we mostly think of when we say we are "in love." This type of love covers everything from queasy stomachs and warm fuzzy feelings to strong sensual passion. In order to exist eros is dependent upon the situation and circumstances. Eros is also held captive to each person's perception. For example, if someone perceives a particular quiet evening dinner with candles to be romantic, eros will thrive. However, passion becomes squashed for someone whenever he or she interprets the current situation to be undesirable. Eros thus grows strong and then wastes away based upon our perceptions.

Although eros at times might make us feel like we are on cloud nine, it can not provide a reliable basis for building a deep and meaningful relationship since it is so fickle and dependent upon perception and circumstances. Although eros is exhilarating, this is not the Biblical word used for love.

Philia is the love of friendship, best friends, and the fellowship of being with those people you enjoy. Although philia is wonderful, it too is not reliable since it is also held captive by the sifting sands of situation as well as by ours and other's perceptions and expectations. Unfortunately, we probably all know of a friendship which waned or was severed because of time, distance, harsh words, how someone interpreted another's actions, etc. Again, not biblical love.

God's love is Agape love. Since it is not a knee jerk reaction nor just a responsive feeling to how I've been treated, agape is capable of acting in a hostile environment where there are no warm fuzzy feelings...to love when there isn't an ounce of love in return. If it were not enough that the proactive (not REACTIVE) nature of agape has the power to rise above its environment, it can also empower passion and friendship! For example, when a spouse chooses to speak and act toward the mate with agape, this creates the loving environment in which eros and philia can thrive! Although the proactive spouse might even perceive the other spouse as being unkind or rude, additional problems can be prevented by responding out of agape while the power of agape works at nurturing the growth of the other forms of love!

Jesus taught his disciples that the world would know that they his people if they would show agape toward one another. (refer back to John 13:35)

Examples of Agape Love: John 3:16, John 14:15,23, 1 John 3:17, and Ephesians 5:25-29

For the best refresher on learning what LOVE is, I searched 1 Corinthians 13:4-13 in the MSG bible.

"If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up. (Can we say that we never gave on on someone/thing?)
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. (Are you ok if God never "changed" that person?)
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle, (attitude, attitude?)
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel, (ever told someone that they'd pay for what they did?)
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything, (ANYTHING...not some things...not a lil bit..ANYTHING)
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best, (tell someone the best things about themselves sometimes)
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end. (Keeps going!! Don't stop!)

Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.

When I was an infant at my mother's breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good.

We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love."

That list of what love does, doesn't do, is, isn't is a pretty hard pill to swallow, but it's SOOO appropriate and TRUE. I am taking it line by line and refreshing myself daily... feeding my spirit the things that are really nourishing as I deprive my body of certain foods. So, as I journey to get it right, and make things better, I pray that you will too.